so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
