Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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