i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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