how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
