I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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