stop calling my apartment porn island.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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