In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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