The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
