I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
