so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
