fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
