i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
