i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
