Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
