I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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