You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
