the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
