Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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