why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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