I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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