But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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