I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
