I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
