wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
