he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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