Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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