Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
