Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That's when you crack a 10am beer
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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