So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
