And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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