i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She bit a glass in half.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
