It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
