Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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