Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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