he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize