Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize