birth control should be required to get into college
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
