Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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