Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
