Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
