I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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