We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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