there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
