She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize