physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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