Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
