The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Your dad touched me again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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