Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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