i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
