Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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