??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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