3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
