we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Text me some of your sweat
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