She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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