guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
