I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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