I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
