he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
