it wasn't lemon gatorade
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
