my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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