also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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