I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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