I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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