nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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