you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
