So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
